Ambien. No doubt about it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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