but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
why do cheetos always look like penises
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
