Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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