totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
