i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
