my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
