Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
farters have to be the big spoon...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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