You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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