Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
