What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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