i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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