Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't deserve a penis
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
