I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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