I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
