but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
