did you get engaged???
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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