She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
