we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
