Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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