i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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