I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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