I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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