I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
