she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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