There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
