I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
