He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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