Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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