i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
