I wanna passion pit in your ass
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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