i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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