I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize