My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Pooping to opera.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
