That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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