I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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