She said her name was "party"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
