it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hippo gnu deer
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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