for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
