Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
