i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Well I just put wine in my tea
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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