Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
