I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
