I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
