Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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