I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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