There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
