this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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