this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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