does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
