I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
