I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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