You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
