Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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