I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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