Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
