How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
