the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
