I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
