Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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