Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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