So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
