There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
