My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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