literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
And then he peed in my hair
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