I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
