Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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