I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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