is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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